www.coastalpirates.com

WEDNESDAYS #6 vs. CRUNCH:

(vol. 7W, no. 6; newsletter by b.n.)
They say "Good Things come to those who wait." For the rest of you -- you just get the latest newsletter. Notice how 'late' is the integral part of the word 'latest.' Anyway, I thought that since no one threw a blanket over me and beat the heck out of me for insulting them in the newsletter last week, it was a license to insult once again. So without further ado, well maybe just a little ado first --- on with this week's newsletter.

Our game this week was against the Crunch (editor's note: great lead -- this guy is Ernest freakin' Hemingway). The last time we played these guys, we were mired in an incredibly log winless streak (editor's note: I think he means "long winless streak," but Brian might be attempting so some sort of metaphor for "log" as in "lumber" -- the sticks we carry, etc). Someone asked when we last beat the Crunch and it was pointed out that it was the last time we won the Championship. With all that has happened since then, it seems like almost a lifetime ago; quite a few lifetimes if you happen to be a housefly and you live for only a week.As the game began, our 'Captain Underpants' line started on 'O'. Glenn Farkasstepped in for Chris Goione. For those of you that didn't know -- Chirs was up all night partying with McGreevey -- word is that Chris will become the next head of the Sports and Exposition Authority now that his bud has made it to the Statehouse. From the drop of the puck, the "Panties" -- as I will now refer to them because I am already tired of writing "the Captain Underpants line" -- dominated the play and kept the puck in the Crunch end for most, if not all, of the first 2:00 minutes. The Crunch goalie was tested early and often, but he withstood the challenge. BB, fresh from New York City where he reportedly cast 16 votes in 12 different precincts for his guy -- he refuses to say whether it was Mark Green or Mike Bloomberg, but we're guessing its Mike because there are 2 'B's -- just like BB -- in Bloomberg, ... Where was I? Oh yeah, BB got dressed in time to take the floor with the CTCD line -- that would be the "Courage the Cowardly Dog line" -- and the strong play by the Pirate forwards continued. Ironically, the Crunch had the opportunity to jump out to an early lead when Poulkard -- I am sure Harris will fix that if I misspelled it -- (editor's note: I'm not really sure how to spell Steve's last name, but I do keep changing the spelling of Glenn Farkas' first name which has two "n"s -- this is how you can tell him apart from Glen "one 'n'" Chambers. Get it, Bri?) took a puck and raced in on Harris. Harris stood up to the challenge and turned away the shot (editor's note: "... in a Patrick Roy like fashion."). As the play continued in the 1st, the play evened out with both goalies called upon to make plays. Then perhaps 10:00 minutes or so into the period, Scotty found himself with the puck. I say found because,I don't know how he got the puck, I asked him, he didn't know. As he picked up his head it was just him and the goalie -- big Jim Crowley was skating with him, but Scott was doing his Jim McGreedy impersonation; Scott fired and the puck and gave us the 1-0 lead. That is the way the 1st ended (editor's note: more, more! i'm on the edge of my seat here!).

The 2nd period saw the arrival of our intrepid captain (editor's note: what the hell does that mean Brian??), it seems that since Wall Township is supporting the purchase of the former Allaire Airport, Wall residents will receive discounts on landing fees at the airport on Route 34. So Russ took a few minutes out of shopping for his Lear Jet so he could check on his team. Things looked good for the Pirates when #67 took a hit from #5 of the Crunch who was summarily sent to the penalty box. On the ensuing faceoff, #67 got the puck to Scotty who worked it to the point where Roger fired it on net, where BB was able to deflect it on net. The Crunch goalie came up with it somehow; BB skated to the center faceoff circle -- convinced that he had scored. Russ pointed out that that play worked just the way we practiced it -- when was our last practice ? The 'D' continued to dominate in the 2nd with strong play -- even when the puck got past someone, players like Chambers (editor's note: "Glen" with one 'n') stepped in and cleared the puck. At some point in the 2nd, Scotty worked the puck deep into the corner & resonding (editor's note: I believe Brian means "responding" in this instance, but truthfully I didn't understand the "intrepid" remark earlier and he hates it when I change "his work," so I'm forced to keep it status quo) to #67 who was screaming "drop the puck!" -- did just that. What happened next was the subject of some discussion in the parking lot. To the untrained eye, it might have looked like the Crunch goalie let in a 'soft'goal, but as #67 explained later in the parking lot to anyone who would listen, there was more to the play then meets the eye. According to #67, he took the puck from Scotty and surveyed the floor. BB was in front of the net, while Scotty was skating behind, as #67 waited, the Crunch goalie began thinking pass -- how #67 could know what the goalie was thinking is another story -- with the goalie looking to play the pass & a Crunch player setting up a screen, #67 lasered a shot on net. Perhaps 'lasered' is too strong a word ... perhaps 'rocketed' would be a better word ... well ... perhaps 'tossed' would be the most appropriate word. Anyway, the puck went into the net without the goalie ever moving. Score at the end of the 2nd was 2-0.

The 3rd period saw our lead shrink when #5 on the Crunch took the puck along the boards, withstood a hook from Roger and worked his way to the net where he was able to squeeze the puck between Harris and the post (editor's note: shit). The rest of the 3rd was a see-saw battle that saw Harris come up with some outstanding saves. One of the better ones was when Scott Lamatty (editor's note: "LeMatty.") found himself alone in front of Harris with the puck. Harris was already down and Scott tried to go high, but Harris reached up and flat out robbed Lamatty (editor's note: "LeMatty." geez.) with the glove. More excitement ensued later in the period when a puck to Harris' left was deflected high into the air -- Harris lost sight of it and stayed on the left post (editor's note: I didn't so much "lose sight" as I was attempting to fake out the offense by bobbing my head wildly and staying pinned to the opposite side). The puck ended-up coming down on the far side of the net where Steve Polukard tried to deflect it into the net "soccer style" by throwing his chest out at it. The puck dropped into the crease but Chambers was able to get to it and clear it (editor's note: sweet!). As the game wound down, the Crunch called a timeout and pulled their goalie with :40 seconds to go. Strong forechecking by BB almost gave us the emptynetter and a diving stop by #67 with :10 seconds left killed off the threat (editor's note: who the hell is the #67 character?? it must be freakin' Superman -- he's all over the rink saving our butts).