SUNDAYS #1 vs. DECEPTICONS:

(vol. 23S, no. 1; newsletter by b.n.)
For those of you that thought you would be reading a newsletter about what happened on the opening night of the Sunday season, I hereby apologize. That was weeks ago. I have no idea what happened. For those of you that thought you would be reading an epic tale of the events that took place in the parking lot after the game, well, think again.

Honestly, its like the whole team fell apart for a four-week span. And what event led to this collapse, you might ask? Well, it could be the fact that Harris eloped to Italy without telling anyone. Well, I guess he told Gucci, who has been on the team for about a week. But did he tell Chris, the alternate captain who has been with the team for seven years and stepped-in to make sure things ran smoothly for the month that Harris was gone? No, he did not. And truth be told, things did not go too smoothly at first. Just a week earlier, in a game that was originally supposed to be the opening night of the season, the goalie that Harris had lined-up to play the bulk of games in his absence was a no-show (this after confirming that he would be there in a phone conversation with Chris). In that same game, Scott LeMatty layed-out two players in devastating “Scott Stevens”-manner ... but unlike Stevens, who likes to lay-out opponents, LeMatty put the hurtin' on two of his own teammates! But alas, enough about that game, it didn't count so I should not even be mentioning it.

Back to the game that I don't remember. Why can't I remember the game? It probably has something to do with the fact that without Harris, there was no post-game meeting. Instead of everyone meeting after the game and talking about what happened — which would often help reinforce the highlights that would make it into this newsletter — everyone just jumped into their cars and left. Maybe it had to do with the fact that the Giants, who were playing at the same time, had rallied from a 21-7 deficit to go into halftime only trailing 21-20; maybe everyone was racing home to catch the ending..Then again maybe it had something to do with the fact that there wasn't a cooler of sodas and cold ones to draw the players in. Yes, I hate to admit it but as James Carville once said: "Drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park, you never know what you'll find." It's much the same with the Pirates, except we are much cheaper; instead of a hundred bucks, figure $5 worth of sodas and juice boxes and $12 worth of beer.

And Harris? Did he tell the author of the newsletter that he was getting married? Of course not! But then again, I can't blame him. Harris was probably afraid that if #67 knew of the wedding he would have crashed the reception, looking for that cooler of Pabst Blue Ribbons.
date of game: 9.25.05