SUNDAYS #1 vs. JAGUARS:

(vol. 26S, no. 1; newsletter by j.c.)
After a one-week layoff, the Sunday Pirates Summer season commenced — sort of. The previous week our pre-season outing versus the Red Stars was cancelled when “The Powers that Be” at GoodSports looked at a calendar and realized it was Fathers' Day. This week they decided to throw the Pirates another curve. After dutifully reading my E-mails and checking the site, I arrived for our 8pm gametime only to be informed we play at 9pm (editor's note: Ironically Wildman was actually on-time for this game). This ticked-off more than a few Pirates — including Glenn Farkas who had to leave to go to work — and by the time we took to the ice we had a big chip on shoulders, which we promptly took out on the Jags.

The Pirates featured the three-man defensive rotation of Scooby, Gucci, and a subbing Joe Baio, while Russ-Dan DiPierro-Scott “The Bull” LeMatty began on the first line. Just :20 seconds into the game a shot from Russ bounced to Dan who beat the goalie for the quick 1-0 lead. On the next shift, the newly-formed line of Brooks-Ralz-Wildman kept the Jags pinned in their zone while Gucci fed Brooks for the second goal of the game. The Pirate special teams then took to the ice on a Jag penalty. Pirate fans know that the extra man “advantage” has been anything but an advantage for what seems like the last few years, but this time the blueliners took control as Scooby found Gucci to put the Men In Black up 3-0. The three-goal lead would cap a period of Pirate domination with good passing, defense and forechecking.

Probably still upset with the scheduling shenanigans, the Pirates came out smelling blood (much like the sharks that Kevin and Mike Farrell were hunting on the high seas this very day). Pirate fans have not witnessed such a scoring onslaught for ... well, since you have to read each newsletter to try to find out what the previous year's scores were, I am just going to say “for a long time ago.” Okay, I got bored and searched the Pirate archives and I think I found the only two comparable games in our 10-year history: One game with more scoring (Volume 17S No.3) where the Pirates vanquished the Coyotes 12-3, and also the whalloping of the Rink Rats (Volume 9S No.3) where we won 11-0. I think those games are comparable, but the S.O.C. prohibits me from saying so.

That said, here's how it played-out in the melee we'll call the final period: Russ scored (assist to Dan) to make it 4-0; Brooks nets another (assist to Gucci) to make it 5-0; Gucci puts in his second of the evening (assist to Joe Baio) for the 6-0 lead; Scotty the Bull scores (assist to Dan) for our seventh goal; and finally Wildman gets on the stat sheet (assist to Brooks) for the “official” GoodSports 8-0 shutout. And that's where the problems begin.

According to the League (and recently confirmed by the Statistics Operating Committee, the legislative arm of the Pirates organization) there is a “Mercy Rule” that specifies that when either team is winning by eight goals the game is over; to illustrate this, the refs reset the scoreboard to 0-0. But it really isn't over because both teams continue to play. Confused? Maybe the rule was instituted to avoid fights, but the only thing we know for sure is that after my goal at 14:30 officially “nothing happened anymore” — at least according to the League and thereby recognized by the S.O.C. That being said, I'm not sure how I can compare this game to the 11-0 shutout of the Rink Rats; after all, how did the 11-0 shutout of the Rinks Rats “happen” but the three late goals by the Pirates are “null and void.” What about all the scoring records in the “History” section of the site? Did they all “happen”? What's with all this censorship?

I know I have been stressing team defense in almost all the newsletters I've written, but if you beat a team 11-0 — er, 8-0 — shouldn't the event be accurately recorded? So while the game wasn’t being played, and we were skating in our spare time, and Harris was watching “The Sopranos” ... Dan did nothing and was not helped By Scott LeMatty, and Wildman most certainly didn't score twice in one game and therefore could not have been assisted by Bob Brooks. Gucci, who wasn’t playing at the time, dreamed he scored (and Bob Brooks assisted him in his dream). I have to say I really don’t like having to write about this stuff, but I am forced to. Why is Bob Brooks in Gucci’s dreams? Normally I would say it was because as a pair they combined for eight points versus the Jaguars, but since this did not happen you will have to draw you own conclusions. That also means that Harris did nothing in this game. And the referees did nothing either. And I did not have a beer in the parking lot.

Before we go let's look to the NHL and see if they recognize a “Mercy Rule”: The most goals scored by one team in an NHL game was sixteen when The Montreal Canadiens defeated the Quebec Bulldogs 16-3 on March 3, 1920. That Montreal team also helped set the record for most goals by two teams in a single game when The Canadiens and Toronto St. Patrick's combined for twenty-one tallies on January 10, 1920 (Montreal won 14-7 by the way). The Edmonton Oilers and Chicago Blackhawks tied that record on December 11, 1985 when the Oilers won a 12-9 scorefest. Twenty-one goals in a game? Hmm, I guess they didn't count.
date of game: 6.25.06

editor's note: Effective immediately the Pirate post-game “meetings” are being moved to the East-side of the parking lot (by the soccer field). After a decade of complaints from condo owners, GoodSports has asked us (nicely) to relocate.

(And you thought this editor's note was going to say something about the S.O.C. ruling.)