WEDNESDAYS #6 vs. GERIATRICS:

(vol. 12W, no. 6; newsletter by b.n.)
Head of cabbage? Or was it a head of lettuce? You know you are having a bad night when your teammates think replacing you on the floor with a green vegetable would be an improvement. Such was the night for #67. It didn't start out that way though ...

Losing our first game of the Wednesday season 3-2 against the Geriatrics in the waning moments of the game, the Pirates kind of went into a tailspin that was only stopped by a chance encounter with a bunch of Misfits. So with last Wednesday's game the Pirates were looking to turn the season around and improve our playoff chances. Let's face it: A loss against the Geriatrics and the Pirates would be pretty much toast for the season. Oh yeah, and another thing: Some people complained about last week's newsletter (other than Wildman — who has trouble following instructions for boiling water — all the complaints were unwarranted except for one. I think I said something to the effect that last game was the coldest day ever. Well it might have been at the time, but it was clearly topped, or lowered, this week when the temps were in the single digits. It was so cold that a the moisture in your skanky jersey would freeze on the trip from the parking lot to the locker room. It was so cold that polar bears were seen crossing 195 heading South. It was so cold ... Oh, never mind, you get the picture.)

The game started out with almost a full bench. The Miller Brothers, Chris, Russ and #67 rotated on “O” while Glen Chambers, Dave “Is Tonight's Game at 10 or 11?” Matthews and — fresh from his Madison Square Garden performance — Keith Richards(on) played back at the blueline. The game started out with the usual up and down action. The Pirates would jump on the board first when the juggling of the lines produced a pass from Chris Goione to Scott Miller who put the shot past the infamous DePippa for the 1-0 lead. Later in the 1st period Allen arrived to give us two complete lines on offense. The excitement started shortly thereafter when #67 picked up a pass and headed in on Depip on a breakaway; according to Harris (who scolded #67 there after): “You know you can beat Depip high! Don't make all those fancy-pants moves! Just shoot the puck!” (Yes, Harris actually said “fancy-pants”). #67 would get another shot at it a few seconds later, but a 2-on-0 breakaway ended-up being offsides.

You hear a lot these days about personal responsibility. It seems that no one wants to take responsibility for their actions. Whether it was the lady suing McDonald's when she spilled coffee on her lap (and doomed us all to drinking lukewarm coffee), or the group that just recently sued McDonald's because they didn't know that eating their food would make them fat (duh!). It just seems recently that people everywhere are looking to get something for nothing. On the flipside of that, everyone cheers when one of these ridiculous cases are overturned (as is the case with the fat people in NY when that case was thrown out). Every once in a while, it is nice to see that people who do the right thing be rewarded and those that don't do the right thing get what they deserve. What does this have to do with anything? Well, Nadine made a brief appearance and was in the stands last Wednesday and had a bird's eye view of one of the more controversial plays of the night. According to Nadine (who apparently has videotaped evidence to back her claim), the Pirates had a 3-on-2 break into the Geriatrics end when Scott Miller shot the puck and it clanked off the left post and ricocheted straight back out; a Gerry defenseman was sliding back towards the net and the puck bounced off the back of his leg and started rolling towards the goal line when the defenseman's body knocked the net off “the moorings.” When everything finally came to a rest the net was spun on a 90º-angle and the puck was resting against the rear of it. Before any call was made, #67 started yelling, “It's in the net! It's in the net!” Fallen goalie Dan Depip was quick to respond, “Your ass it's in the net!” Then he stuck his goal stick between his legs and started making some obscene motions with it. Original Geriatric Steve-O was quick to jump in on the side of his goalie, but #67 changed his tactic instead asking “Is it in the net?” (It is impossible for us to peer inside the mind of #67 to know with any degree of certainty if he actually knew whether it was in fact a goal, but there is no doubt that he never said it was a goal — he only said that it was “in the net”). With all the yelling back and forth, most players didn't notice the interplay of the two officials: Bob swooped-in and picked up the puck and looked wide-eyed to Scott for assistance on the call; Scott gave him a shrug and Bob then headed to the center of the rink for the face-off, awarding the Coastal Pirates the 2-0 lead. The excitement did not stop there as both teams changed players. For some bizarre reason, #67 couldn't leave well-enough alone and after realizing on the bench that he had actually won an argument, he stood up and started taunting Steve-O, “Was it in the net? Was it in the net!” Dan Depip was quick to start yelling back for #67 to shut his mouth. Even Bob the ref started yelling that he was going to give #67 a 2:00 minutes penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct if he didn't cut it out. Clearly this was the turning point of the game.

Sure the Pirates would add another goal when Scott Miller hit his brother from the corner and Evan was able to one-time the puck past Depip (who never saw it) for the 3-0 lead, but the story of the night was clearly #67 who could not shake the bad karma he took on from his antics surrounding the second goal. Just before the 2nd period expired, Tom took his shoulder into #67 who looked to Bobby for the call; Bob was clearly thinking about it and finally blew the whistle — but instead of a powerplay for the Pirates it was even up. According to Bob, #67 was lucky that he didn't call it just on him.

Leading 3-0 with just over :50 seconds to go, there was a face-off to Harris's left. Just before the drop of the puck (and with the Gerrys adding the extra skater), Harris yelled to #67, “win this one!” Harris was clearly unaware of all the pent up bad karma that was hanging around #67 like an evil wind. As the puck dropped, it remained locked between the two sticks of #67 and the Geriatric player; the puck suddenly squirted back towards the point where longtime Geriatric Gregg Terry swooped-in and fired off a wrister that blasted past Harris like a rocket. But the bad karma had not been shed yet: On the ensuing face-off the Geriatrics would take the puck into the Pirate end along the far boards and, with a quick centering pass, the Geriatrics would score again to make the game a 3-2 nailbiter with :30 seconds remaining. With all his bad karma, why was #67 still out there? On the next face-off, #67 would put the Pirates in one more hole when he was called for a penalty while trying to work the puck off the boards at the center of the rink. (According to Tom Walker, who was playing in the next game, “it was a bogus call,” but that was of little solace to #67 who put his Pirates into a 6-on-4 situation). Fortunately the Pirates would pull it out despite the play of #67. After the game, Harris summed it up best when he said, “From now on in the last 5:00 minutes, instead of putting you out there, we will just roll out a head of lettuce” ... or maybe he said cabbage.