(vol. 14W, no. 2; newsletter by b.n.)
When and if the season ever begins, I will start getting the newsletters in on time. However, after last week's game (or actually it was this week, but by the time most of you read this, it will in fact be last week), I had heard that it was only a scrimmage. And then I saw this:

Sent: Saturday, May 31, 2003 10:24 AM

to: wednesday teammates
from: hs #88
re: newsletter, beer
guys, because bri has blown another deadline, there will be no beer at the post-game meeting this week. i'd ask everyone to NOT bring beverages because this will only encourage the continuance of this type of behavior.

Huh? I didn't think that I had to write a newsletter when it was only a scrimmage.
Oh well, I guess I could stand to cut back on a few cold ones anyway. Another thing, Brian Newcomb wanted me to send his apologies to all those people who voted for him as the Selke Trophy winner back in the Fall of 2002. Did he thank anyone? No, of course not. So for all you that though he was ungrateful, he wasn't — he was just showing his lack of class. Brian Newcomb also wanted me to let you know that he appreciates once again being voted as the Selke Trophy winner (Special kudos to Harris for waiving the “no vote-no trophy” clause. I'm sure he really was going to vote, but he was having trouble with his internet connection for some strange reason. See last week's email for more details).

Game? There was a game last week? Well, the Pirates had their shortly-awaited rematch with their heated rivals, the Jags (you supply the letter here __ ). As all of you faithful readers of the newsletter know, the Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) denied the Pirates another Wednesday Night Championship just a few weeks earlier; so with that said, the Pirates were looking to extract some revenge (or in Mike's case, looking for his “pound of flesh”).

As the game got going, the line of Russ Nicolosi (who won the Art Ross, Richard and Hart Trophies) Chris Goione (sporting his new lopsided jersey with the “A” (Chris was voted as winner of the Masterson Trophy — for the sweep on Sunday and Wednesday!) and Wildman (whose Selke Trophy was stolen by some guy named Brian Newcomb). On “D,” it was Scott LeMatty (he tried to vote himself a trophy by repeatingly voting, but his ruse was quickly uncovered when Harris checked the roster and found
out that he didn't play on the Wednesday team last season) and Keith Richardson ( just call him “Mr Norris” — but don't call him that in front of Mike Farrell). Finally in the net was Harris Siegel (I'm not certain if Harris Siegel won any trophies because once again I checked the website and it notes that a person named “Harris” won the Conn Smythe, but that could be anybody. Richard Harris? Maybe. Kind of weird when you look at it — everybody has their first and last name, except for “Harris.” Anyway, since I don't remember anybody else named “Harris” playing goal for the Pirates last season, I will just have to assume that “Harris” is in fact Harris Siegel). So all those trophy winners made up the first line. The second line was made up of Evan Miller (no trophies), Scott Miller (no trophies), Dave Matthews (hah! don't even think about it) and Mike Farrell (I know what you are thinking, but Mike did not get a trophy for last Wednesday's season). Did I leave anybody out? Oh yeah, #67 was on that line also (I just checked the web and there were no trophies awarded to #67).

With all that covered, now to the game. For those of you watching from home, the Pirates started the game defending the goal to our right, wearing their road jerseys, black with white lettering, while the Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) started the game defending the goal to our left wearing their home white jerseys with the black, yellow and green accents. The Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) were first to get on the board when one of their players raced down the far boards and broke to the center of the floor. #67 came back to help out and was able to swat the puck away before the Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) player could fire off a shot. Unfortunately for #67 (sure glad I didn't vote for him as the Selke winner), he swatted the puck directly on to the tape of Frequent Pirate Killer Mark Andras who was able to fire it past “Harris” for the first goal. As #67 came to the bench, Mike Farrell asked him, “Hey, wasn't that the guy that ran over Harris late in the Championship game?” Oh yes indeed Mike, you were quite right — Mark did crash the net late in that game and fell right on Harris' head. “Hmmm,” Mike said as he climbed over the boards, “I'll have to get him later ...” After the Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) scored, things just got way too confusing on the first line. First of all, Russ and LeMatty switched positions, which in itself wouldn't be such a big deal if all the jersey juggling hadn't taken place. Let's take Chris first: First of all, (whoops, I'm about to go off on a tangent here — look out!) ... Wait, let me start over. I have a couple of beefs here which I will get to. Okay, let me start with this, I don't have a problem with the number change. No big deal. I actually checked the website to verify that his old number had been 18, but all reference to it has been wiped-off the web. His number has been changed and even his photo has been updated! Then I started looking at his picture, just to verify that his number was correct on the jersey and yes indeed his jersey number is 19. Then I looked at the picture. Something was bugging me about the picture. Oh Yeah! I know what it was, Harris let him take his helmet off for the picture! I can't believe he did that. When #67 had his picture taken he wanted to leave the helmet off, but Harris took the picture and then said “no, no, no, put the helmet on.” Okay, no big deal, #67 could deal with that; but then, this happens. That just sucks if you are #67. And, after further reseach, Harris let Keith have his picture taken with his helmet off! (Now there's a guy who should be keeping his helmet on.) OK, my tangent is over, it is safe to get your kids out of the basement. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was trying to track down Chris's former number. I was pretty certain it was 18.

Then I found it: You see, Harris might be able to erase all evidence of Chris's former number from the website, but he can't hack into every computer everywhere and eliminate the evidence that may be resting on a humble little hard drive. Okay, where was I? If you are reading this and there is in fact a photo above, but instead of the number “18” you see the number “19” - don't believe it; Harris must have doctored the photo like they do at the New York Times all the time.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Confusion. I went through all this because when Scottie LeMatty got to the game, he forgot his jersey. So Harris reached into his bag and pulled out a jersey with the number “18” on it. It really didn't dawn on me right away, but when Scott LeMatty switched positions with Russ, there it was as plain as day — the new “19” jersey was playing on the same line as the former “18” jersey skated right beside him. And if that wasn't weird enough, “17” completed the offensive trio. (And if you add the 3 numbers together and divide by 3 you get “18” — amazing!)

The game? Well, the Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) led after the 1st period 1-0. The 2nd period saw the line of Scott Miller (still wearing “31”) and Evan Miller (still wearing “97”) get things rolling. It was #67 (strangely enough, still wearing “67”) who was able to swat a loose puck to the right of the goaltender (some people questioned after the game whether this was either a shot or a pass, but in all honesty it was just a swat); the puck ended-up on the tape of Scott Miller who was at the top of the crease and easily buried the puck for the tying goal. And that's about how the 2nd ended as the Pirates and Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) were knotted at the score of 1-1.

The 3rd period saw plenty more exciting action as Harris made a number of great saves to keep us in the game. The Pirates would get the lead when according to Scott Miller, he picked the puck up in our end and moved it to Mike Farrell who carried the puck out of our zone; Mike than hit Evan Miller who was streaking down the left wing and Evan cranked it past the surprised Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) goalie for the score and the 2-1 lead. But the game was not over, there was still one issue left to be resolved: With the game in it's closing seconds and the Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) pressing for the tying goal and with the extra skater, it was Mike Farrell chasing a loose puck back into the corner of our own zone. Instead of either sending it back up the boards or sending it along the boards behind the Pirate net, Mike decided to try and make a move with the puck as he slammed on the brakes; as he did so, Mark Andras the Jags (you supply the letter here __ ) player (and Harris-head squasher) came barrelling into the play. Something really bad happened as Mike spun around to play the puck: Andras mysteriously took to the air and slammed head first into either the boards or the floor. As the whistle sounded, it was probably a good thing that Mark blacked-out because he didn't hear #67 yelling from the bench “keep playing its only Andras!” With :09 seconds left in the 3rd period, the refs decided to end the game right there as Mark was slow to get up. Finally, everyone held their breath as Andras slowly returned to his feet and made his way to the locker room. (I called him the next day and he reported he was sore, but otherwise fine).

As someone who shall remain nameless pointed out, it was too bad they didn't end the 3rd period :09 seconds early in our last game with the Jags (you supply the letter here __) — for those of you with shorter memories that Mark Andras currently has, the Jags scored the winner with just :08.2 seconds remaining in the Finals). Lastly, don't expect to see Mike Farrell win the Lady Byng this season.

WON 2-1


From an email:
“It's obvious.”

For the GWG.

For the slam dunk goal on a perfect “pass” (aka “shot”) from #67.