(vol. 14W, no. 8; newsletter by b.n..)
Some people do not respond well to threats. Like the time someone threatened to bench someone when the newsletter was not posted in time. Like it matters. Of course this is coming from someone that was caught smoking a tampon in the parking lot after the game.

But I digress. In what seemed like an eternity ago, the Pirates took on the Lumberjacks. The game marked the reemergence of TPOC. The funny thing about being TPOC (which is pronounced “tuh-pock” by the way, not “tee-pock”) is that there is more than one team that he has some sort of history with. At first it was the Geriatrics, then it was the Coastal Pirates — now things how come almost full circle, since a number of the Zombies populate the roster of the Lumberjacks. But enough of that, Harris rejected the first newsletter that I submitted because I failed to lay blame on Russ for the loss. In the first draft of this newsletter, all the blame was heaped on TPOC. But then, after looking at Harris' suggestion, I was forced — after an extensive session of deductive reasoning — to agree with Harris' assertions. After all, it could not possibly be Harris' fault that we lost the game. It could not have been the fact that he was rusty, could it? No, it was definitely Russ’ fault.

Let’s start with the beginning of the game. The Captain decided that with the game against many of TPOC's Sunday teammates it would be a great night to shift TPOC to defense. So Scotty LeMatty was sent to play “O” while TPOC joined up with Keith on “D.” Mike Farrell and Russ were the other defensive pairing. On “O” there was the Miller Brothers with Chris and Wildman, Allen and LeMatty. Before the game began, TPOC was wondering to himself: “I wonder who is more rusty? Harris, who hasn’t laced up a pair of skates in a couple weeks, or TPOC, who hasn’t played more then a shift of defense since the days of “Oglethorpe.” You didn’t have to wait long for your answer, because the Lumberjacks would score three goals in the 1st, all against the tandem of TPOC and Richardson.

The 2nd period was more of the same as the Lumberjacks would put in two more goals. Fortunately for TPOC and Richardson, the next two goals could not be blamed on them since they were safely ensconced on the bench. However it must be noted here (since I left this out of the previous newsletter and Harris forced me into a rewrite) that one of these goals was Russ’ fault. And it wasn’t just any goal: the Pirates had a 5-on-3 advantage (that means we had two more skaters then the other team) and someone on the Lumberjacks was still able to skate around our guys (specifically Russ) and score on our rusty goalie.

For the 3rd period, Russ openly wondered what team TPOC was playing for, so he was sent back to offense; and just like that, the offense returned for the Pirates. First it was TPOC skating down the left wing, stepping around his other captain Neil Shuster; he got a shot off that came back to Keith at the blueline. As Keith skated in, TPOC was dumped and managed to tie two Lumberjacks up in the process and Keith was able to skate in unaccosted before he fired a shot that went off Chris for the score. Mike Farrell would add another goal, but the Lumberjacks would add two more of their own to make it a 7-2 game. With just under :20 seconds in the game though, it was TPOC who picked-off a clearing pass and was able to catch Lumberjack goalie Mike Braun leaning to his left; TPOC wristed the puck back across the grain and caught the inside of the post for the score. Definitely not one of the better Pirate outings, but our three-goal, 3rd period barrage against an “A” team at least helped to take the edge off.

LOST 7-3


(none awarded)