16S, no. 8; newsletter by j.c.)
The Edmonton Oilers, The New York Islanders, The Toronto Maple Leafs, Les Canadiens and The New York Rangers: Most people think of these as great Stanley Cup Dynasties. (Well, we'll have to pull the Rangers off that list because they have no consecutive Cups, and most of the ones they have won were as a sub .500 team. And yes, the Devils will probably repeat this year, but they haven't been in the league long enough to be considered a Dynasty.) So what does this have to do with the newsletter? Weren't the Pirates 0-and-7 going into their last game of the regular season? How could these sentences possibly be tied together. I needed some expert assistance, so I e-mailed our Captain of Public Relations & Team History Brian Newcomb. Well Brian does not have a C on his jersey, but he should wear one when we play the Geriatrics, because none have lead the slaughter of our senior citizen opponents with more vigor and determination (but that is a Wednesday newsletter and I faintly remember Harris saying something about writing a Sunday newsletter). Brian certainly deserves the title of Captain of Public Relations & Team History for his efforts documenting Pirate adventures both on and off the rink, therefore I am bringing a copy of the Pirate Constitution for ratification after the next game.
Now let me go on a tangent. Some might say that long e-mails with seemingly unrelated topics are the work of a writer who has nothing to say, or someone who has not prepared properly for his writing assignment. Nothing could be further from the truth. Did I say earlier that I e-mailed Brian? When the hell is he going to e-mail back? I hear Harris' foot tapping asking for the newsletter. What the hell am I going to say? OK, I know there is a Blizzard paralyzing New Jersey and he might be stuck in the snow somewhere, and yes Harris asked me to write the newsletter on Monday and now it is Wednesday afternoon and I only e-mailed Brian a few minutes ago, but dammit, I need his expertise (or at least some fluff) to get through this. He was even in the stands watching the game against the Red Dogs. I was thinking that maybe he would see where we need to improve because of his good view of the whole rink from the stands, but I believe he left after the 1st period when Mike Farrell scored with an assist from Kevin. Or maybe he left after the 2nd period when Kevin scored unassisted. Both Pirate goals were outstanding individual efforts by the defense to get us back in the game. The rest of the Pirates played a close-checking, defensive game, but the forwards couldn't Washington Capitalize on the chances (God, why hath thou smitten our forwards with stone hands and lead feet?). Crap! Still nothing in my inbox from Brian, I'm gonna have to call him.
John: Brian, are you hanging out after tonight's game?
Brian: Yeah I'll hang out for a little while.
John: I just wanted to make sure the game is still on.
Brian: As far as I've heard it is.
John: Actually the reason I am calling is because I have to write the newsletter for Sunday's game and I just don't want to write we suck and we lost.
Brian: Well that's what happens when you play in the A Division. It's like the Rangers, they lost 9-1, but they came back to win the game after it. I asked Harris before the game if you needed players, but he said we've got Mike and we don't need you.
John: I saw you in the stands watching the game.
Brian: I put my gear in the car and came back in and then I noticed it looked like you would be short. I thought I might go out and get my gear and help out, but since I was tired from the prior game I might have gotten hurt out there.
John: #7 on the Red Dogs went around hitting everyone in the back.
Brian: That guy is a p---k! That's another reason I didn't play then I would have to write the newsletter about the game!
John: Ack barf. By the way I made you Captain in the newsletter. In fact, I'm bringing a copy of the Pirate Constitution for ratification after the game.
Brian: (after a long pause) But Russ is our Captain.
John: No, I meant Captain of Public Relations & Team History.
Brian: (incredulously flattered) Oh. The game was close for awhile. You closed the gap to 3-2 after that great goal by Kevin.
John: Mike's goal wasn't so bad either.
Brian: Who? Oh, I heard Mike say that The Red Dogs' goals were off cheesy bounces.
John: Mike would not want Harris to hear that. I won't include it in the newsletter.
Brian: Mike thanks you, and I'll see you at the game.
John: See you then. Bye. (click!)
OK, I've got a newsletter now! Where was I? Oh yeah. Bringing it all together. Well the Stanley Cup Dynasty teams all spent time in the cellar of their divisions and most of them went 0-and-8 for stretches at a time. Edmonton dwelled in the cellar while the Islanders went on to glory and then their places reversed. Adversity builds character and you only get better by playing better teams. I believe we were better than our record showed. Or maybe the conclusion is that the Pirates can handle the Red Dogs, just not the Red Stars.
If you have hung in this far, here is more typical information:
Attendance (players): Harris, Mike, Kevin, Russ, Ralz, Danny, Glenn Farkas, Wildman and Scotty The Bull
Attendance (fans): Brian Newcomb
Scoring: End of 1st period, 2-1 Red Stars (goal by Mike, assist to Kevin); End of 2nd period, 4-2 Red Stars (goal by Kevin, unassisted); End of 3rd period, 5-2 Red Stars.
1) KEVIN MCLAUGHLIN
For really getting pissed at the Red Stars and running through them and scoring.
2) MIKE FARRELL
For his nice slapshot (maybe you could teach the rest of us how to shoot and we'll win some games?)
3) BRAIN NEWCOMB
For being a dedicated fan. (No, strike that the bastard left before the end of the game and therefore forfeits his Silver Skull).