(vol. 16W, no. 10; newsletter by b.n.)
For the second week in a row, Russ was a no-show for the Wednesday Night Pirates, and for the second week in a row the Pirates were defeated 5-0. Mike Sucks. It is hard to pin the consecutive loses on the shoulders of Russ, but I'll try my hardest because no one could possibly blame #67. After all, by the most bizarre case of ballot box stuffing since George Bush won Florida, somehow #67 was named the Hart Trophy winner for the Winter 2004 season. Would it be asking too much for that to carry over to the post season? Unfortunately, it was. Too bad the Pirates couldn't play the Geriatrics this Consolation game. Mike Sucks.

And what of the Brothers Miller? 23 Points between the two of them during the regular season; points in the post-season: 0. Did I say “Mike Sucks”? Hmm, apparently I did. But at least Mike is not as bad as Wildman, who had the audacity to complain about being misquoted in last Wednesday's newsletter (but offered no apologies for the absolute lies that he attributed to Brian Newcomb in his newsletter that he wrote a few weeks back). Chris? What can you say about Chris? He had a great chance to put the Pirates on the board when Evan passed the puck from the corner and Chris one-timed it into the top corner! Well, it looked like it was going in the top corner; unfortunately for Chris, John Arena reached behind him to pull the puck out of the net. Wow. That was really an incredible save. Dave Matthews scored a few points with Wildman (and I believe based on the emails that Wildman sent earlier in the day, is now due a case of beer) when he drove into the corner and was whistled for crosschecking #7 to the back of the head. Keith? What can I say? Between him and the “other guy,” they played most of the game ironman style on “D.”

But nothing tops a certain employee at the rink who shall remain nameless. With the game ending well after midnight, this person (who shall remain nameless) decided to complain to Wildman that he was not dressing fast enough.

Oh yeah, can't forget about Harris. Even though Harris was beaten a few times during the night, he made a number of spectacular saves that kept the game close until late into the 3rd. So that pretty much covers it. The Pirates fell to the Green Stars 5-0. But according to Mike, (who faces the Green Stars in a Sunday Semifinals game): “We set ourselves up for Sunday.” (Mike actually repeated that numerous times after the game. I really don't know what he means by that. Perhaps he thinks that this will cause the Green Stars to be overconfident. Or perhaps he's just stupid. Wait, he's not stupid. He just sucks.)

Anyone who has attended the “
meeting” in the parking lot knows that Mike is full of it — words of wisdom, that is. While downing a Coors Light® at the post-game, Mike came up with these enlightening comments:
“Don't hate the player, hate the game.”
“Straighten up those ankles #67, they look like there going to break off ya'!”

LOST 5-0


(none awarded)