(vol. 18W, no. 5; newsletter by b.n.)
I often wonder, “What would happen if I could rule the world?” Then I thought to myself, “What am I thinking? It should not be if I could but rather when I rule the world.” Hmm ... In hindsight, maybe that wouldn't be such a good thing; after all, if I could rule the world, it would be just as likely that Mike Farrell could rule the world. Uggghh! Can you imagine that? Mike's head is big enough — can you imagine how big it would get if he ruled the four corners of the Earth? His head would grow to such epic proportions that it would rival the size of the planet Pluto. The entire equilibrium of the inner solar system would be thrown into turmoil as the gravity produced by his expanding braincase would inevitably cause Venus to be flung off into the Oort Cloud while Mercury would spiral into the Sun.
(editor's note: the Oort cloud — sometimes called the Öpik-Oort Cloud — is a postulated spherical cloud of comets situated about 50,000 to 100,000 AU from the sun, approximately 1000 times the distance from the Sun to Pluto; although no direct observations have been made of such a cloud, it is believed to be the source of most or all comets entering the inner solar system. see graphic below)

But I digress. Fortunately for the Coastal Pirates, Mike Farrell was not in attendance. Instead it was Chris Goione who stepped-up to serve as the “acting” Captain for the Wednesday game versus the Geriatrics. Much has been written in the past about the Geriatrics: I remember many past games where #67 would step up and have many offensive explosions against his old team; however in this new season, #67 has found himself manning the blueline, preventing goals instead of scoring them (well, other then that one of his stick in the first game of our season and into his own net). As the puck dropped for the game against the Geriatrics, the Pirates noticed that John Arena was manning the pipes for the opponent; in season's past such an occurrence might doom the Pirates (as Arena is one of those goalies that has “our number”), but thanks to an inspiring speech by Chris before gametime, the Pirates came out flying.

Craig Sudol would be the first to benefit from the inspiring speech when he took a pass from Dave Matthews in the opening :90 seconds and fired a shot that beat Arena through the five-hole. The rest of the 1st period was all Pirates too, but when the period ended the Men in Black still had only one goal to show for it. By the way, not to make a big deal or anything, but can you imagine if Mike Farrell ruled the world? What would it be like waking up and flipping your TV on and finding that every channel was broadcasting the “Farrell Racing Channel”? Uggggh. Other than Mike, who gives a crap about open cockpit racing?

But enough about Mike, for all the domination the Pirates enjoyed in the 1st, it took the Geriatrics just one shift to tie it up, when they pounced on a puck that the Pirates were unable to clear. The Pirates would get back on the board later in the 2nd period when they found themselves on a powerplay though. Looking like the finely-tuned NHL team that they are not, the Pirates were able to work the puck around the box, firing shots and pouncing on the rebounds before Keith finally worked the puck to Scott Miller who blasted one high into the net. The Pirates would pick-up another goal from the suddenly-hot Craig Sudol, when he benefited from some great passing (from Evan and Keith) before burying the puck to give the Pirates a 3-1 lead. The Geriatrics would answer back, however, cutting the lead to just one goal at the second buzzer. Can you imagine eating Mike Farrell breakfast cereal? I don't even want to think about it.

The story of the 3rd period could have been the goal that Chris jammed in after Wildman fired a shot that Arena stopped, but did not fully cover. Think of it as our own version of the Mark Messier “guarantee victory” game against the Devils: Chris comes out, inspires the team before the start of the game, and then delivers the back-breaking blow to the opponents; it's a great story, but it is not the story of the night. Instead it was Craig Sudol ripping a page from the #67 playbook, as every time he grabbed the puck he was looking for that third goal to complete the hat trick. And much like the last game against the Geriatrics ended with #67 trying to wrap a puck around the back of the net — and ignoring wide-open players in front of the net — so it was with Craig, as he was unable to uncork that shot that would collect his third goal. Oh well, at least Craig is in good company — or maybe that's bad company depending on your perspective. Well at least Mike wasn't there to hog the rink time again.

p.s. You know you rule the world when you are the most prominent person in the newsletter when you don't even show up.

WON 4-2


For his 2 tallies including the GWG.

For his Vince Lombardi-like motivational speech before the game (or was it more like Paul Newman in “Slapshot”).

For some stellar “D” (especially at the end of the 3rd period)..