(vol. 18W, no. 9; newsletter by b.n.)
Every couple weeks or so you hear one of those crazy stories that seems too bizarre to be true. There's the one about the guy that breaks into someone's house and somehow manages to leave his wallet behind, thereby making it easy for the cops to identify and apprehend the perpetrator. There's also the one about the guy who tries robbing a bank by writing his demands on the back of a deposit slip and slipping it to the teller — unfortunately, he wrote the note on the back of his own pre-printed deposit slip complete with his name and address. The stupidity is not limited to criminal acts though: A couple of months ago a guy thought it would be a great idea to clean out his basement; unfortunately, the guy decided to use gasoline (a very good de-greaser by the way) to clean the grease stains from the floor and the fumes eventually reached the pilot light from the hot water heater and BOOM! I often wonder to myself, how could these people be so stupid? Then I thought of all the people I know, could any of them be this stupid (well other than Wildman, of course)? Nahhh, I reassured myself. Nobody could be that stupid.

But then, all that I knew, all that I believed came into question when I heard about Keith & Chris' adventure over the weekend. As it turns out, Chris has a chainsaw that he purchased about two months ago. Apparently, the chainsaw was in need of a tune-up, and instead of taking it to someone who has a modicum of mechanical ability (like say Mike), Chris and Keith decided to try to get the thing running themselves. (And after Harris's experience with taking something mechanical to Mike, who could blame them?) So there they were, The Two Amigos, in the garage, taking turns pulling. Unfortunately the engine would not explode into life, so the pulling turned into tugging‚ then jerking, until finally evolving into banging. The climax arrived when Chris pulled back on the handle with all his might and the thing flew up into the air and landed on his foot. No big deal, right? What does a chainsaw weigh? A couple pounds, no sweat. Unless, of course, you happen to be barefoot, then all bets are off. Wait, did I just say barefoot? What idiot (or pair of idiots) would be attempting to start a chainsaw barefoot? Oh well, one can only hope they were wearing pants ...

So with Chris out of action, the call went out before the game with the Coyotes, for someone to fill Chris' shoes for the night. Unfortunately, no one of his caliber could be found, so we were forced to settle with Scott LeMatty (who better pay his damn water bill). Craig Sudol and Dave Matthews were also unavailable, so we had to settle for Kevin McLaughlin and a stack of stale donuts, respectively. Jimmy Ferraro reappeared and as usual, Mike Farrell showed-up. Throw in Russ, Keith, Wildman, the Bros. Miller and finally #67 (incognito) and you have the roster for the night. Given the fact that the Coyotes had only one sub on the bench, while the Pirates had two complete lines, it might of seen a little disappointing that the Pirates came out of the 1st period with a 0-0 tie. But that is the way it goes.

In the 2nd period, the Pirates turned on the gas just a tad bit as Jimmy and Wildman combined on getting a shot on net that Evan was able to blast in the rebound from. So after two periods the Pirates held a slim 1-0 lead.

The 3rd period saw the Pirates pull ahead 2-0 when #67 (incognito) carried the puck into the Coyote zone and tossed a pass to Jimmy Ferraro on the right wing; the lone Coyote on the bench yelled “off,” and threw just about everyone off, including Jimmy who wound up for a slapshot and then half let up before finally cranking a shot from the point; #67 (incognito), knowing the play was, in fact, onsides, drove hard to the net and slammed home an easy rebound. And that should have been it. Did I mention that I ran into former-Pirate Roger Weiss the other day? Well, I probably shouldn't say “former” because other than BB, once a Pirate, always a Pirate. So what was our former teammate up to? Instead of serving penalties that were assessed to the other teams‚ or shooting pucks past Harris‚ Roger is teaching high schoolers in Sayreville (way to go Roger!). Speaking of Roger, with just under 2:00 minutes remaining in the game, #67 (incognito) pulled off what can best be described as an “homage” to Roger as he tried to block a puck with his stick; what started as an easy wrist shot from the point turned into a mad scramble as the puck trickled past Harris as Russ watched helplessly. Ouch. But all seemed well, with just 1:40 on the clock, it looked like #67 (incognito) — who was clearly at fault for the Coyote goal — would end up being credited with the game-winning goal based on his score earlier in the period. But alas, as Harris has said many times before, and said one more time this night, “if the Pirates could only find a league that played 43:00 minute games, they would be Champions every season.” But unfortunately, we play in a league that believes their games should be 45:00 minutes long, and as such, the Pirates have lost many a game in those closing minutes. And unfortunately, this night was no different, as the Coyotes were able to rally and tie it up just :45 seconds later when a slapshot deflected off the outstretched blade of Wildman's stick during a breakaway.

Even though the game ended in a 2-2 tie, it seemed to many like a loss. Except for Kevin, of course, who swore that we won the game 3-2. By the way, I heard Chris was having trouble starting his weedwacker‚ if anyone is available to help, please give him a call.

TIE 2-2


For his 2 points in his first game back off the DL.

For his goal (this might have gone to #67 if he didn't nullify his effort by scoring against us too).

For a shutout-turned-tie performance.