(vol. 7W, no. 4; newsletter by b.n.)
(attachments to be added at later date)
Before I get to the game recap, I would like to cover a number of issues: First, a number of you noticed a couple of weeks ago that Harris included a special email address and encouraged the readers of this newsletter to send emails to encourage me to continue writing this newsletter. As many of you noticed, I did not write the newsletter last week. The reason? Well, to be honest, I was quite surprised by the emails I received. I have included a few (with names eliminated to protect the guilty) so you can see for yourself.

Subject: RE: Newsletter

Brian, I really think it would be a good thing if you stopped writing the newsletter. How do you even fit your helmet over that big head of yours? If you would spend a little more energy on the rink hustling instead of daydreaming about some goofball description of your supposed escapades, we would probably win a few more games.

Hmmm... I'm not sure whether I should put that in the Pro or Con column ... On to the next one:

Subject: RE: Newsletter

Dear Mr Newcomb The only thing worse than reading say, War and Peace, is reading the weekly drivel that emanates from your fingertips. It is my belief that your emails are slowly poisoning the Internet, and if left unchecked, will most certainly lead to the downfall of western civilization.

....ouch. That one hurt. And they only get worse from there. But I don't really have the inner strength to reprint some of the harsher
ones, so let's just go to this week's recap.

I love to play the Geriatrics. Until I was recruited to play on the Coastal Pirates, I was one of the early 'Gerry's'. So it should not be to anyone's surprise that I love 'tweaking' the old team here or there. The game opened with very spirited play and on the first shift #67 took a faceoff to the right of Gerry goalie and won it back to Roger who cranked it in for the early 1-0 lead. Then things began to get interesting. At some point on that shift, the Gerry goalie gloved a puck in front of him, #67 was bearing down on him, but he kept his head up and was in the process of trying to clear the puck when the ref finally blew the whistle. Unfortunately #67 was following Depip's glove which was moving across his body when the play was blown dead. This resulted in a collision. WHOOPS. Couldn't stop. It really was an accident, but Depip didn't see it that way, so he took a swing with the butt end of his stick that resulted in a penalty for each team. (Bobby the ref asked me after the penalty was assessed if we were just 'foolin around') Confusion ensued as that penalty time expired, #67 jumped on the floor when Allen skated off.. but wait .. you can't do that (I didn't know that). So back to the box for #67 for another 2:00 minutes. The Pirates stepped up and killed off the penalty and shortly thereafter Glenn Farkas took a feed from Nick and shot it over Depip's shoulder for the 2-0 lead. Fresh off his extremely long rest #67 finally got back on the floor for his second shift of the game and took the puck behind the net and attempted to wrap the puck into the right side of the net. The puck deflected off Depip and the post and then back to #67 who tried once more to swat it into the net. Once again the puck game back to #67 who still couldn't bury it. With Depip sprawled on the right side of the net, #67 tried to reach over top of Depip and swat the puck which was just sitting there in the crease. Finally Nick popped in and scored the gimmee. Despite protests by Depip, who claims that #67 interfered with him, the period ended
with the score 3-0.

Between periods Depip skated past the Pirate bench and yelled at #67 that he would get even if #67 came near his crease ..... The gauntlet had been thrown down ... As I sat on the bench between periods, I could not help but think of another one of those emails that had been sent ....

Subject: RE: Writing

Hey, there are more people on the team other than "#67"! Every time I read one of your newsletters, all I get out of it is #67 did this ... #67 did that ... Well what about #XX ??!! (I didn't want to use the real # here, once again to protect the guilty) And another thing, what is the deal with you constantly referring to yourself in the third person? Who do you think
you are? Bob Dole?

... Well, I referred this question to #67 and he said that the reason this occurs is that #67 has a tendency to relax on the bench and not follow the play as closely as when he is on the floor. #67 says that he sincerely apologizes for this and (since he ain't writing any more newsletters) it won't happen again.

Now on to the second period: In the past, games with the Gerrys have always been a little chippy, even with their #1 headhunter (BBK) not playing, they managed to pick up a player that more than filled his shoes. The guy (who we will refer to as the 'Green Guy' because he had green shoulders on his jersey) was a roving assault vehicle. Did anyone tell this guy that it was a 'no check league'? Obviously not. Anyway this Green Guy came out in the second throwing his weight around. In one instance, (might have been into the 3rd) the Green Guy Ground Goione Gruesomely into the boards. Ouch. That looked like it hurt. Fortunately the refs were doing their jobs and the green guy got a penalty. (I heard the green guy say it was an accident as he skated past me on his way to the box ... yeah right). The Green Guy got his comeuppance late in the game when our very own Jim Guy got even. I'm sure that was an accident to. The "D" stepped up in the second led by the Jim Guy, Nick, Roger and Wildman where keeping the Gerry's from getting any quality shots off. And even when they managed to get in close, our fill in goalie Doug Collimore continued the tradition started by Rob Osa of back up goalies by pitching the shutout. On the scoring side, the Pirates picked up another goal when someone (I think it was Chris) passed the puck up to (the guy who's number won't be mentioned again in this newsletter) and (the guy who's number won't be mentioned again in this newsletter) swatted the puck down at the blueline and it ended up on the stick of Scott Miller who picked up the goal. I really would like to cover some of the more exciting developments of the third period, but the newsletter is late as usual, so I'll cut to the important stuff.

The 3rd period continued our dominance on the scoreboard with the defense pulling out a strong effort. The 5th goal of the night was picked up when Chris took the puck into the Gerry's zone and dropped in to the guy who's number won't be mentioned again in this newsletter) who could not get his stick on it, but Roger came through and swooped in on the loose puck and scored his second of the night.

Oh yeah, my favorite email? Had to be this one:

RE: Loser

Hey Brian, you are really a loser. You know that you have sunk to an all new low when you have to make up all these emails. Admit it, no one sent you an email. Not one.
You made them all up. You even made this one up. I didn't write it - you did. That's really sad. They say the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.
Well, I guess they were right. Well, 'Russ' was almost right. This following one was real:
Subect:nice job

bri --
thanks for getting that newsletter out in a timely fashion! i owe ya ...
hs #88

WON 5-0


For his two goals. That's enough.

For quashing that Green Guy (and I'm really not in to encouraging that sort of thing, but that Green Guy deserved it).

3) ???????
For Unnamed Pirate guy with the big ego who occasionally writes the newsletter (who wears a jersey # in the high 60s): regardless of his failure to get the newsletter out in a timely fashion and is inability to be brief, he had 3 assists.