(vol.
21W, no. 10; newsletter by b.n.)
Since our final game of the season ended-up being a scrimmage, here by popular demand (well really it is Harris' demand) is a movie review. Before we start the movie review, let me first start by saying that I have never reviewed a movie before. I imagine that people spend enormous amounts of time in college studying hard to gain a degree in Movie Reviewal. I, in no way, want to insult these people. I am writing this review as a lark and I hope that if there are any MBA's of Movie Reviewing out there that are reading this, that they don't take it personally. That said, what stupid ass gets paid to write movie reviews? I guess it's a good job if you can get it, but honestly they are probably the most counter-productive pieces of pompous crap that the newspaper has ever produced. I for one never read them, and now I have been commanded by the Grand Master Hummer to write one. I would be crying now if the irony of the situation wasn't making me laugh.
Why do I hate movie reviews you may ask? Well, I remember years ago reading a review for “Mission Impossible” (that was the first one with the “Risky Business” guy). Anyway, after reading the review there was a little story in the sidebar with a picture of Peter Graves (he was the original Mr. Phelps for the true “Mission Impossible” fans). Anyway, in the sidebar they ask him what he thinks about the new motion picture version of the movie and for some stupid reason they discuss the fact that Mr. Phelps is a bad guy in the movie! It's the freakin' day before the movie is released! What stupid ass person at the paper let that slip by? I tried with all my well-honed Yoda skills to try and “unlearn” what I had just read, but I could not. When I finally did see the movie, I tried to cloud my mind with useless thoughts (much like Wildman does), but that did not help either. As it turned out, the issue of Mr. Phelps turned out to be a major plot twist that, when known in advance, kind of blew the whole movie. That is why I no longer read movie reviews.
Is anyone going to see “The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”? No? I don't blame you. Since you will not be seeing the movie, I do, however, highly recommend the book. A book, by the way, that I read without the benefit of reading any stupid book review. According to author Douglas Adams, he got the idea for “The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy” while traveling through Europe with a copy of “The Hitchhiker's Guide to Europe.” His story goes that while he was lying drunk in a field in Innsbrook he gazed up into the night sky and said to himself: “Someone ought to write a 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'.” That was all I needed — I read the book.
If you ever have the opportunity to pick up “The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,” you could learn about all the inhabited planets in known space — and then some. If you happen to flip to the entry for Earth, you would find just one word: “Harmless.” Apparently the revised version of the HHG will contain an updated entry for the planet Earth — which also pretty much sums up the movie: “Mostly Harmless.”
p.s. So long and thanks for the fish.
date of game: 5.11.05
