(vol. 22S, no. 2; newsletter by j.c.)
In the spirit of this game being played on Father's Day we begin this newsletter with a quote from Howie Mandel's “Fits Like a Glove” live performance:

Howie Mandel:
I became a Dad Today!
Audience: (Loud applause and cheers)
Mandel: What? What?
Audience: (More cheers and congratulations)
Mandel: What? What? All I did was &$*% my wife!!!

Apparently the schedulers at GoodSports take the Father's day holiday lightly and scheduled games anyway. For the Pirates, Scott LeMatty-Russ-Tim formed the first line, while Chris-Wildman-Glenn Farkas manned the second; on defense the Pirates had the three-man rotation of Kevin, Bobby (Not the Howie Mandel Character “Bobby”) and Brian. The Jags (who are your Father's Jaguars) appeared to have a short bench — or possibly they were just weak in the legs from Father's Day activities. Anyway, the Pirates came out strong and were skating hard to loose pucks and controlling the pace most of the game.

1st period: 4-0 Pirates (goal by Farkas, assist to Wildman; goal by Farkas, assist to Wildman, goal by Chris, assist to Farkas and Bobby; goal by LeMatty, assist to Bobby)

2nd period: There is no 2nd Period in an effort to save time. Still 4-0 Pirates.

3rd Period: 7-1 Pirates (goal by Farkas, assists to Kevin and Wildman; powerplay goal by Jags at 10:10 mark; goal by Kevin, assist to Russ, goal by Russ, no assist)

Now most newsletters talk about our goals in great detail when we win or just say “We stink” when we lose, but here I must diverge and ask that we examine our play and fix some issues. On most teams people are happy when the team is winning and when their teammates do well. They say: “I didn't score any tonight, but we won and I'll get them next time” (or something similar and less corny). So, we are winning 5-0 with 10:00 minutes remaining in the game when a penalty call puts us down a man; during the penalty kill a forward (who already had more than two points in the game)
takes off from the defensive zone because his defenseman is carrying the puck; this leaves us down another man when that defenseman ignores the golden rule “Skate until challenged" — which means that you skate with the puck until someone starts to come towards you. You don't wait until they get too close, you either pass the puck (a sure pass) or you dump the puck. Stuff happens, but the point is when that we get goal hungry and forget defensive hockey, bad things happen — like the defenseman getting trapped by two Jaguars and coughing-up the puck, which then puts us in a precarious 5-on-2 defensive situation with too many passing and shooting lanes to cover. The result: The Jaguars Blast one by Harris and his shutout bid is ruined. This is the goalie that stands on his head when we play much better teams and we constantly leave him for dead. Is it so important to add more goals to a 5-0 game that we abandon playing defensive hockey, even during a penalty kill? Is this how we treat the goalie that spends a lot of time on merchandise and the website so that we all look good in virtual land? At least we could try to do the right thing when we are on the rink — which I give the kudos to Scotty for being a team player and stepping-in to protect Tim. I promise to soften future scoldings if we reform our ways, but we need more selfless and team acts — especially because we won't get away with this against better teams in the league. Whose your Daddy?
date of game: 6.19.05

WON 7-1


For his 4-point night and his second career Pirate hattrick — completed on his first year as a father.

For aggressive play at the blueline and 2 helpers on the evening.

For his 3 assists (or maybe it was 2), paying off his beer fines, and writing this rant ala Dennis Miller.