(vol. 28W, no. 9; newsletter by h.s.)
“We lost, we suck.”

If you are to believe the unidentified source at the post-game “meeting,” the above was spoken in the Pirates locker room and was supposed to serve as this week's newsletter.

After our tear over the last two weeks, Wednesday's outing against the Cutters was a reality check as we enter the final leg of the season. The game, in fact, was a nail-biter for the most part — the Cutters scoring only once in the 1st period off a one-timer, followed by Craig's thrilling goal with seconds remaining in the period to tie things up. Unfortunately, the Cutters didn't seem to get the memo saying that our late 1st period goal was supposed to shift the momentum to our side. The result was three, unanswered Cutters goals in the final 22:00 minutes and our fourth loss of the season (we're now 5-4 with one game to play).

So now we turn to the weather: The post-game “meeting” was more of a discussion about weather-related topics and things not relating to the recent massacre. Huddled into Dave's LandRover© were Wildman and #67 — with Yours Truly successfully calling “shotgun.”

Here are the highlights of the “meeting”: Wildman accurately predicated the ice storm we just had; Dave was more concerned how to parlay several thousand tons of cranberries into a profit-making venture; and #67 was trying to figure out how to get another Pabst without leaving the comforts of the climate-controlled LandRover©. Wildman then explained to everyone how to properly erase a hard drive (although he added that even that can be undone given the proper software); Dave revealed how he is wary of Parmalat milk's flash-heat homogenizing; and #67 longingly-eyed his open tailgate that held the bag of beers. After Wildman's somewhat lengthy lesson in 01000100010s (how computers work), he broke the big story that Priya became an American citizen! Dave said that maybe he should get her an American hamburger in celebration, but quickly realized she was a vegetarian so instead settled for sending her a bucket of cranberries.

Finally, #67 couldn't take it anymore and went on a beer run (approx. 3-feet away). During his sojourn I lowered my voice-activated window and we all began shouting our beverage orders to him. The only other highlight worth mentioning was when I left to go home, I nearly took off #67's tailgate which forced him to once-again exit the LandRover© — but this time he was screaming and flailing his arms.
date of game: 2.12.07

LOST 4-1


For the lone tally of the night —
with only :17 seconds remaining in the 1st period. (I knew that because I looked at my snazzy, new Pirates watch that I was wearing — see below for details).

Gucci found this nifty new Pirate product and we're now taking pre-orders. It's from our “Buried Treasures Timepiece Collection.” The skull lid flips open so you can see if you have time to make it to A.C. and back by gametime.