(vol. 29S, no. 7; newsletter by b.n.)
I remember when #67 used to be a Pirate on Sunday Night. A lot of us can remember that. But for some reason, he has chosen to abandon the classic black and the new, classic white and go with some putrid shade of blue.

Why is that? Everyone has their theories ...

Theory 1: One of my favorites is: “Because he is a treasonist piece of crap.” That isn't really accurate though because #67 earned the nickname TPOC based on his exploits with the Geriatrics on Wednesday Nights (which oddly-enough ended when Russ, fed up with TPOC, gave him a wicked slash that left TPOC with a broken finger).

Theory 2: Another well-circulated rumor is: “He is just a jerk and doesn't like any of the guys that play on Sunday Night.” Well, that is patently untrue. I know from my intimate first-hand knowledge of #67 that he loves most of the guys that play on Sunday Nights. In fact, the only guys he doesn't like play on Wednesday Nights also.

Theory 3: I have heard whispers of the following: “He is a lazy f@#k! He can't put the effort in to walk out to the parking lot for the 'Meeting.' Instead, the Chiefs bring the cold ones right into the locker room.” (Hmm, I think that there might be some truth to that one).

But enough about #67 — we don't care about him anyway. (Other than that brief moment of concern we had for him after LeMatty laid him out after the Chiefs scored a goal. That moment passed when we realized that LeMatty was okay.) The game was actually fairly exciting. It looked like the Pirates were cruising to a victory when they scored first on a goal from Tim (sweet). The Chiefs tallied the next two to take the lead at the break though.

In the final period, the defensive duo of LeMatty and Kevin would add goals to leapfrog the Pirates back in the lead, 3-2. But then the Chiefs scored with 1:00-minute remaining. With only :30 seconds left in the game and the score tied 3-3, Kevin had the biggest brain fart I have ever seen. (In fact it stunk so bad that after the game, people in the stands were asking what the stink was. Not looking to embarrass Kevin any further, I explained “Stink? Oh yeah, that's just Gucci's feet.”) Anyway for some reason, Kevin found himself behind the Chief's net and looked like he was trying to cover the puck to get a face-off. But then, out of the blue, he reached down and picked up the puck and heaved it to the blueline. Bizarre! Even Dave Kurasz was dumbfounded; he tried to swallow his whistle (like he normally does), but he realized that Kevin was playing for the Pirates so he promptly blew the play dead and awarded Kevin with a 2:00-minute “delay of game” penalty.

The Pirates would survive until overtime, where they found themselves going NHL-style after the Chiefs were called for a trip and the two teams skated four on a side. Wildman took advantage of the open ice by breaking down the right wing and cutting to the net at the face-off circle; he flipped the puck over the kicked-out pad of the Chief goalie and ... Oh yeah and my favorite excuse why #67 doesn't play on Sunday Night: ”He doesn't want to write the newsletter!”
date of game: 5.13.07

WON 4-3 (o.t.)


For his overtime heroics when he scored the gamewinner just :30 seconds in.

For his Wayne Gretzky-type goal (when he was on Edmonton, not the Rangers). Tim attempted to swat his own rebound but missed — twice. On his third try however, Tim connected on his baseball bat-style swing and scored. After the tally Tim said: “I can now honestly hang up my skates and call it a career after that goal!” (He's not, but you get the idea.)

For his goal. (Who are we kidding? It was for hitting #67 so hard he ended-up in another time zone.)