34S, no. 2; newsletter by h.s.)
editor's note: I apologize in advance for this installment of the newsletter. Due to the fact that the details are a bit hazy, I've opted instead to litter this writing with Pirate puns. I will use this logo † to alert the reader so that you can better prepare yourself for the bad wordplay. Godspeed!
For the Independence Day weekend game the Pirates had a drastically different crew† aboard ship†. With four of our regulars on shore leave† it was up to our substitute buccaneers† to pillage† the Chiefs. Fortunately, veteran sea dogs† Baio and Milo were up to the task. New swabbie† Marty — sporting the old Jolly Roger† jersey of Mike Farrell — boarded† as well. While Farrell (21) and Farrell (23) awaiting warm-ups, Gucci commented that the duo looked like our version of the Hanson Brothers.
The Kraken† (large tentacled sea monster) that was the Chiefs was no match for the Brethren of the Coast† and goals by Joe Lyden (scoring the first tally of the night once again) and Ralz (a quick shot from a drastic angle) gave us the 2-0 lead early in the voyage.†
On the final leg† of our tour, the men continued their flogging† by adding three more unanswered goals (LeMatty, Kevin and Tony) before sending the Chiefs down to Davy Jones' Locker.† (the bottom of the ocean) Although the fate of the Chiefs was sealed, with only :07 remaining in the game — while attempting to preserve the shutout — an old salt† gave up the puck to an attacker. Avast!† There was a breakaway on the port side†! Because the shot was stopped (and the aforementioned crew member had spotless record), we opted not to make him “kiss the gunner's daughter.”† (a punishment where one is bent over one of the ship's guns and flogged)
At the post-game, while drinking some grog† and getting “three sheets to the wind,”† Dan DiPierro was spinning yarns about his “water shoe” invention that would enable the wearer to walk on water. Oh, Shiver me timbers!† What times we live in ...
FOR THE RECORD*
Attendance (players): Dan, Tim, Lyden, Toscano, LeMatty, Kevin, Joe Baio (sub), Charlie Milo (sub), Marty (sub). Net: Harris
Scratches: Russ, Farkas, Mike, Gucci.
Scoring: 1st period: 2-0 Pirates: Goals by Lyden (Toscano); Ralz (none). 3rd period: 5-0 Pirates: Goals by LeMatty (Toscano, Kev); Kevin (Charlie); Toscano (Kev).
*The accuracy of these stats are not guaranteed since they have not been reviewed by Brooks.
date of game: 7.06.08
1) JOE LYDEN
For chasing down an errant breakaway from halfway across the rink. Unbelievable! And the GWG.
2) TIM HAND
For his goal and his new son. (Not necessarily in that order.)
3) CHARLIE MILO
For his terrific hustle on both sides of the blueline and (as usual) his collection of suicidal blocks.