(vol. 34W, no. 4; newsletter by b.n. and friends)
editor's note: For this edition of the newsletter we are presenting a lively email exchange between #67 and Steve Shames of the Geriatrics. For those of you who don't follow Newcomb's career, he used to play on the Gerrys. Apparently Steve feels the Pirates have unfairly stacked their new Wednesday team. Without further adieu, we are are pleased to present the unedited correspondence between Nuke and Steve (a.k.a. Noley, Gregg Terry) ...

Nuke, You and your team should be ashamed of yourself for dogging it and playing in the “B” division. Is Harris that hard up for another patch on your uniforms? (editor's note: Ouch!) Step it up and play where you belong. I'm embarrassed for you. Bill Notley

#67: Bill, (if that is your real name) Obviously you are an idiot. First of all, The Coastal Pirate Hockey Club (hereinafter referred to as the CPHC) has no control over were the teams are seeded in the Divisions. — But I am certain that you already knew that — Just because we have a team banner hung securely behind plexiglass on the far boards, doesn't mean that we have any say in how the league is run. and don't think that just because we showcase the GoodSports officials on our website .... and just because we allow GoodSports to link their website to our website so that GoodSports can appear to have at least a small portion of superior website design ... don't think that makes them jump when we call them on the phone. And just because we supply the occasional “adult beverage” to the occasional person who may or may not be in the employ of GoodSports (and if they were in the employ of GoodSports, it would only be at such time that their work period had ended) — don't think we can just snap our fingers and make Doug say “B.” No Bill, (if that is your real name), your are just sadly mistaken on this point (and an idiot). Second of all, “Dogging it”? Are you kidding me? You really must be an idiot. I don't know if you paid attention to the standings last season, but the CPHC in general (and #67 particularly are really starting to show their age) ... man the Wednesday team just can't seem to compete anymore. The CPHC didn't even make the Playoffs last season. “Dogging it?” No, I hardly think so. If anything, you have not given yourself enough credit. Obviously our big guns have always been great players — guys like Gucci, Kevin, LeMatty, Russ have always been a step above everyone else. But unfortunately, as their talent has stayed the same .... your team's talent has increased. Suddenly, you guys have stepped up and become “A” players. No Bill, I am afraid that I am just not buying it. In this election year, you shouldn't be slinging mud and trying to make the CPHC look bad, instead you look to your own team and try to say something nice. Finally “Patches?” I don't know what you are referring to. Unless, you might in fact be an idiot, if you are referring to the old tradition that the CPHC had of displaying a banner on the “original” jersey commemorating the teams that won Championships. Unfortunately, much like the guys who used to check your air pressure every time you went to the gas station, the tradition of awarding a commemorative patch has become a lost tradition of a bygone era (for the record the CPHC has not awarded the banners since the “original” jersey was retired and the new sublimated jersey was debuted). You can view the new home jerseys by clicking here — and while you are there, please take a few moments to view the other merchandise, such as the water bottles, tee shirts, hats, etc. that the CPHC have available for purchase. Unfortunately, I know how much you would like to purchase some pink underwear to go with your Coastal Pirates pajamas, but we don't offer the pink underwear at this time, please check back in the future for that item! No Bill, unfortunately you have just shown how out of touch you are, I think maybe you should be honest with yourself. Instead of attacking the CPHC, you should just admit that deep down you are just jealous of the them. You say that you are embarrassed for me? Unfortunately Bill (if that is your real name), you should be embarrassed about yourself. And one final thing Bill .... you are an idiot.

Jags: Boy, by the length and amount of crap you are feeding me, you have way too much time on your hands between games. Obviously you have no problem throwing your teammates that have slowed (like the rest of us) over time under the bus. Now I see why Brooks bolted for Team One. I've only heard of rumors of teams tanking a season or two to drop down in divisions, but now you have confirmed them to be true. PS the Devil's logo on the urinals at “the pebble” are classic.

#67: Gregg, Thank you for your insightful comments. Unfortunately, I think you have gone senile. Please have Steve change your Depends. Brian

Jags: I don't know why Harris put's up with you. He should expel you like Big Ant did.

#67: The only reason he keeps me is because I write the newsletter. (Thanks for this week's installment by the way). Also, I keep the Pabst from going stale.

Attendance (players): Russ, Scott Miller, Brian, LeMatty, Mike, Kevin, Gucci, Wildman, Joe Baio (sub), Marty (sub). Net: Harris
Scratches: Dave, Eddie Gesior
Scoring: 1st period: 1-0 Pirates: Goals by LeMatty (Russ) PPG; 3rd period: 3-0 Pirates: Goals by Kevin (Gucci); Marty (Mike).
*The accuracy of these stats are not guaranteed since they have not been reviewed by Brooks.

date of game: 7.02.08

WON 3-0


For great “D.”

For great “D.”

For great “D.”
(Joe would've been moved up one or two notches if he hadn't made me stop a breakaway with :07 seconds remaining!)