(vol. 38W, no. 2; newsletter by h.s.)
Next to cheap beer, sportsmanship is the most highly-valued Pirate trait. That's why it was shocking when Kevin snubbed me in the handshake line following Wednesday's outing. But enough about the handshake controversy ...

As you may or may not have heard, Kevin played for the Big Slick this night. Upon hearing the news, several Pirate teammates pointed-out that this was clearly a violation of the Pirate Code of Conduct (sec. 2, paragraph 6) that states: “If thou playest on two teams, then thoust shall play for the Pirates when these teams doth meet.” Not only did Kevin play for the other team, but worst of all he kept shooting and shooting and shooting. Long shots, short shots, bouncing shots, wrist shots, slapshots. Whenever he touched the puck he shot it. As a matter of fact, sources say that he was so exhausted from shooting that he didn't have the strength to shake my hand at the end of the game.

Ok, onto the game ... Last week, the Pirates were in a state of chaos when the game started, but this week we had all 10 guys dressed and ready to play. Up front we had the lines of Tony-Marty-Scott Miller and LeMatty-Wildman-Jason, while on defense we had Joe Baio, Dave, Troch and Mike “Birthday Boy” Farrell. The Pirates survived an early threat by the Slick when a puck was deflected in front by one of their guys; I gloved that one fortunately, but on the ensuing face-off, their point shot through a mass of humanity and gave them the early 1-0 lead. The Pirates knotted things up 1-1 when LeMatty placed a pass to Jason “Poles with Goals” Bissey in front, who slamdunked the shot for his first goal of the season. Although there was lots of end-to-end action, the teams would stay tied going into the break.

In the opening minutes of the final period we found ourselves suffering a series of bad breaks that resulted in three unanswered goals by the Slick. Similar to last week, we called a timeout to regroup and came out gunning. First, Marty scored and then Tony did what we pay him to do when he pulled us within one. With just 1:00-remaining we put the extra skater out there, but even though we had a couple of close calls we couldn't get it in the twine. All that was left was the handshake, but you probably heard about that already ...

Attendance (players): Bissey, Cassens, Farrell, LeMatty, Maccanico, Matthews, Miller, Trochiano, Baio (sub), Toscano (sub). Net: Harris.
Scratches: McLaughlin (Traitor), Nicolosi.
Scoring: 1st period: 1-1 tie: Goal by Bissey (LeMatty, Trochiano). 3rd period: 4-3 Big Slick: Goals by Maccanico (Farrell); Toscano (LeMatty).
date of game: 6.17.09

LOST 4-3


For his first goal as a Pirate.

For his 2 points.

For some nice plays on defense, but mostly for paying his “fines” promptly with Stella and Bass. Dave originally protested the “fine” with a letter from his attorney that follows:

To Coastal Pirates:
I am the attorney representing Mr. David Matthews in the fine assessment case (CP Docket # 12688B) of June 4, 2009.
Mr. Matthews denies any wrong doing in this matter and I would respectfully submit as exhibit “A” the e mail sent on June 1, 2009.
As is evidenced by this mail to the Coastal Pirates, my client took proactive steps to advise the team’s management of his inability to participate in this game which he believed was to be played on Monday. My client has expressed regret for the incident and would ask the management consider his offering of a settlement of six domestic cheapo beers (the kind Brian drinks) instead of the normally assessed very expensive imported swill customarily assessed for an infraction of this nature.
I await the response of the management.
Shalom S. Golembeck Esq.
Attorney for the firm Dowe, Cheatem and Howe