(vol. 37S, no. 8; newsletter by a.t.)
It was a big game for both the Coastal Pirates and the Ducks alike — a win or loss for either team would impact where they were and who they played in the first round of the Playoffs. A classic showdown of “A”- and “B”-division teams, one going for third place and the other going for first in their respective divisions. Both teams were short on the bench, but in truth, they shared players like a porn star does in one of their one-hour thrillers found late night, say around 2 am, on the movie channels ... you need to pay extra for that, not that I know or anything ...

Anyways, I digress. It was a big game. I pulled up at about 7:20 pm in a U-Haul™ van, dragging my ass into the rink, hyped-up on aspirin. How does this relate to the game you may ask? It doesn't, the game started at 7:00 pm and I missed half of it due to my moving down south all weekend (and now I'm using this complete B.S. to fill that time in as I didn't show up till the final period). If you're wondering why Harris asked me to do the newsletter, it's because he knows i never say anything relevant about the games anyways and figured it wouldn't hinder my writing capabilities ... or lack thereof.

Once again., I digress. As i arrived late in the 1st period, the Pirates had a comfortable 2-0 lead. A Pirate not-to-be-named decided to play for the Ducks and a much-welcomed Bobby Currao had filled-in my spot during my absence. As I got on the bench, Bobby decided he had enough and hopped off (it had nothing to do with the fact my jersey smelled awful because I moved and had no time to wash it — I asked). Not realizing that we would let up a goal not even :20 seconds into my first shift, I tried to get Bob back but he refused. The Pirates pulled ahead on some goals and maintained the lead right through till the end. One goal that needs to be mentioned was the unbelievable goal scored by me as I danced around Gucci, er I mean the “unnamed traitor Pirate,” and made a sweet deke on the goalie and roofed the shot to seal the game! Okay, that's not exactly how it happened, but I'm writing this thing and Gucci has been trash-talking me for the last two weeks, so I don't feel bad at all!

Yes, it was a night of happy endings. The Pirates won 6-3, vaulting them to third place and a match-up with Team BC in the opening round of the Playoffs. The Ducks meanwhile fell to second place, because my Cannibal team won their game later that night and took first place in the “B”-division. And thanks to the efforts of #67, I finally finished moving all my belongings and returned my U-Haul™ the next morning ... and they never even knew it was missing.

Attendance (players): Cassens, DiPierro, Farrell, Farkas, LeMatty, McLaughlin, Serkin, Toscano, Baio (sub), Currao (sub). Net: Harris.
Scratches: Gucci, Nicolosi.
Scoring: 1st period: 2-1 Pirates: Goals by Serkin (none); Farkas (none). 3rd period: 6-3 Pirates: Goals by McLaughlin (Baio); Serkin (Toscano); LeMatty (Farrell); Toscano (McLaughlin).
date of game: 5.03.09

Ok, they may not be completely magical, but the Sunday and Wednesday Pirates turned around their seasons after the long-awaited Pirate Pants were “in the house.” Each team had only one regular-season win before unleashing the power of the Pirate Pant. Combined they then went on a 5-2-1 streak to finish out their seasons. Just think how good we'll be once Scott LeMatty gets a pair that fits him!

[ more about the magic pants / click here ]

WON 6-3


For 2 goals and great hustle up-and-down the ice all night.

For some great “D” — blocking shots and preventing even fewer.

For breaking his scoring draught with a goal and assist.