32W, no. 3; newsletter by no one)
S.O.C. THREATENS ACTIONS
“POINTS AND PABST” SANCTIONS
AGAINST NEWSLETTER WRITERS?
(AP) Wall, NJ – Vowing that “newsletters must be filed in a timely fashion,” a high-ranking Pirate official was quoted this morning as saying that sanctions will be enacted against the striking newsletter writers before the next Pirate game if a solution is not reached immediately.
When asked what those actions against the Newsletter Writers Guild (N.W.G.) would be, the official — who preferred to remain anonymous — said the S.O.C. is looking into freezing player stats and instituting a “100% dry policy” for the post-game “meeting.”
“Basically we're talking 'no points and no Pabst,'” he said.
Once again members of the N.W.G. were not available for comment, although audible whimpering could be heard on Brian Newcomb's phone when this reporter mentioned the ban on Pabst at the post-game “meetings.”
[ read previous news story / click here ]
[ read follow-up news story / click here ]
FOR THE RECORD
During this time of crisis, we will attempt to provide a bare-bones account of the game:
Attendance (players): Evan Miller, Scott Miller, Mike Farrell, Newcomb, Scott LeMatty, Brooks, Dave Matthews, Gucci, Nick (subbing), Joe Baio (subbing), Harris in net
Scratches (players): Kevin (AWOL), Russ
Scoring: 1st period, 2-1 Geriatrics: Pirate goals by Nick (Evan) PPG; 3rd period: 5-3 Geriatrics: Pirate goals by Nick (Brooks); Nick (unassisted) 6th skater.
date of game: 1.02.08
1) NICK CAMPANALE
For his first-ever hattrick as a Pirate.